Minhaj Sisters UK has organized a 4-week course titled ‘Al-Nasiha – Strengthening the Family Unit’ with Dr Ghazala Hassan Qadri as the chief guest. The fifth session commenced with an introduction by Sister Ambreen Mehmood (General Secretary of Minhaj Sisters UK). This was followed by Dr Ghazala's speech on how to resolve conflict within a marital relationship.
Dr Ghazla Hassan Qadri said that Almighty Allah has created us from a single soul from which He created our soulmate, our partner in life. So, your spouse will be the most intimate and closest relationship you will have. Due to the nature of that relationship, it is inevitable that when you live with that someone day in and day out, there will be problems, arguments, or differences of opinion. Couples can face many issues such as the clash of personality, differences in how to raise the children, and the distribution of chores, etc. There are also external factors that often relate to extended family members. The marriage can be impacted by many internal and external issues; thus, it is extremely important that some kind of strategy is in place that can help resolve the conflict.
Firstly, Dr Ghazala advised everyone to listen to Shaykh-ul-Islam Dr Muhammad Tahir-ul-Qadri’s lectures on anger management techniques as they provide great spiritual and practical advice on how to control your anger, stating that it is often the root of the problem. She then went on to explain the steps that the couples should take whenever there is a dispute or a serious conflict. First of all, you should engage in a mental exercise. Take a step back from the conflict and think about the marriage, ask yourself, do you want to live in a marriage that is peaceful? Or do you want to spend the rest of your life in dispute with one another? Create a mental decision, that for the marriage to be as harmonious and peaceful as possible, effort needs to be put into the marital life.
Dr Ghazala Hassan Qadri then suggested that it is extremely important to remember that we are all human and that we all make mistakes. So, once you are mentally aware that neither of you is perfect and that you want to live a happy life, the anger needs to be controlled. Your judgment can be affected while you are in a state of anger, so it is important to try not to resolve a conflict while being in that state. As soon as you feel yourself getting angry, recite: أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم – ‘I seek Allah’s protection from the rejected Shaytan’ as you are remembering Almighty Allah. You should then perform ablution, preferably with cold water, as this will help cool you down physically and emotionally. By performing these actions, you create some physical distance between you and your spouse, and your mind will be diverted.
Dr Gahzada further stated that finally, before speaking to your spouse or trying to address the problem, you should first think about the particular conflict and physically write down what it is you are angry about. As doing this, you will start to think and contemplate if being in this state of anger is worth it. You should also try to write down what you think the solution to the conflict should be and think about addressing the dispute. She said that it helps put things in perspective and one can think deeply about whether it is worth maintaining that anger or is it better to stay patient and calm.